First off...happy 9 months to my sweet puppy abby! I don't know what I would have done without her! Its hard to believe its been almost a year since we lost ellie and I never thought I could love another dog like I loved her...abby has proven me wrong!
Second....I thought the time would never come when I could say this but I am really, truly HAPPY! 6, 7, 8 months ago I would have never thought it was possible to feel this good and I never ever thought I would be happy again! I'm laughing and joking and enjoying life. I've learned life is never perfect and lots of times not easy but thats normal. Noone is happy 24/7 and its okay to be sad sometimes
6 months ago I was on: cymbalta, prozac, seroquel, geodon, lamictal, buspar, xanax and ambien. Now I am on: Prozac, Wellbutrin and Seroquel. I sleep all night and am alert and not zombie like during the day.
I am starting to see that my "breakdown" in march had several factors. I believe losing Ellie started it all. My physical health wasn't good and I was on steroids long term which did not help. My dad was really sick and noone could figure out why. Add a new puppy to the mix and no sleep plus the anniversary of the rape...and it was a recipe for disaster.
WHen we got abby our yard was not fenced in like it is now. She was a wild puppy that didn't like to sleep. When we got Ellie my mom was still just working part time and able to help a lot. Not so with abby. I would say I really didn't bond with abby until I got back from my stay at the light house. By then our yard was fenced in which meant I didn't have to watch her every second and meant if she woke up at 4am then I could just put her out the back door
I'm learning to accept the things that I cannot change. I cannot change that I was born with CF and am dealing with a progressive and ultimately fatal illness....I can however change my outlook and my determination to live life to the fullest. I can't change that I was raped....I can however change from being a victim to a survivor...to someone who is thriving. I cannot change that thanks to CF my life will never be "normal" and that I may never be able to do the things other people my age do (work, have kids etc) but I can make the most of my life and embrace what I CAN do! I cannot change that I have depression but I can take my medication diligently and do everything possible to make it less likely that I will ever go through something like that again
I hope and pray that I NEVER EVER go through a time in my life like I did back in March! Now that I am on the otherside of it I do wonder how I survived. It really is a miracle I am still here
Lately I have spent my life swimming, enjoying my family, spending time with family and friends, loving on my Abby and taking care of myself physically and emotionally. Today for instance...went to the beach with my uncle and his wife, came home and went to the pool, came home and took a nap and went back to the pool with my mom. Had pizza and watched NCIS..."girls night" with my mom. Six months ago...getting out of bed was a chore! I still have physical limitations..I always will and as my CF progresses I will have more... but I'm learning to work around them and learning when to push myself and when not to. Like last week I was really sick so I spent most of the week in bed and doing treatments instead of pushing myself. As a result I got better a lot faster
