september 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 brings all kinds of memories and feelings.

I watched Dateline last night and I don't know how anyone could watch that without crying. The stories of mothers. fathers, brothers, sisters, children who went to work like it was a normal day to never again come home. All those lives lost. It hits me especially hard when they talk about the firemen....my dad is a volunteer fireman, my granddad was a fireman for many years and my uncle was one too. So that hits way close to home.

I just can't even imagine. One fireman on dateline described inside the twin towers as "hell" and thats probably about as close to hell as you can get on earth! The story of one man who the second plane was coming directly at him, so close to his office that he could read the writing and numbers on the wings and tail....believe or not that man survived!! The people jumping from windows because that death was better than the death that awaited them in the twin towers.

Everyone knows what they were doing when they heard.

I was 16....homeschooled and not a morning person so I had just gotten up like any other morning and went and found my mom who was watching the today show. Right then the 2nd plane hit...right on TV. For a minute I thought I was having a nightmare.

We're all the way in South Carolina but even so I had an out of town doctor's appointment and there were no cars on the road. At the doctor's office the staff had the radio on listening to the coverage. I remember on TV all the channels including MTV and Nick stopped their broadcasts and showed the live coverage.

At the time I had just been diagnosed as having cystic fibrosis.....we had a name for my issues no longer was it just severe asthma or severe sinus issues or severe reflux or IBS...it was cystic fibrosis. I felt my world was ending when we got the results of the sweat test...no question about it, POSITIVE at over 100. Diagnosis took awhile because my genetics test got lost and we had some bumps in the road. I went from knowing that something bad was wrong but not having a name to knowing I had a fatal genetic disease.

In my own world and mind things were all turned upside down. And on September 11 the whole world really did turn upside down.

It made a big impact on me though as I was dealing with my CF diagnosis.....those people who died...none of them got up that morning thinking this is my last day alive. The majority were healthy people who probably expected many years of life ahead. And they were tragically gone. I realized perhaps in a way I have a gift. I don't know when I will die....none of us do and I know God can throw curveballs but as it stands CF will take my life. I won't die in a burning building alone or on a highjacked airplane. I will die with family around me, with morphine and oxygen to ease my suffering. I will be able to tell my family goodbye. Now I know God throws curveballs but remember the vast majority of people with CF do die from it.

And it made me realize...we should all live as though each day is a precious gift! (and it is!) We should live it to the fullest, making our lives a beautiful song and dance to God. We should always tell our loved ones what they mean to us and how much we love them.

BEcause noone is guaranteed tomorrow or even the next minute...perfectly healthy or terminally ill. Its all in God's hands