ranting

Yes this is a rant and yes it may get controversial but I need to write this

I have noticed two things...there is a lack of christian resources for rape survivors and those dealing with mental illness. I also have noticed when surfing christian sites even ones like crosswalk rape is not mentioned and mental illness is talked about as a lack of faith.

People who have no issue with going to the doctor for a cold or taking insulin for diabetes consider going to therapy or taking anti-depressants a lack of faith. People who want murderers and robbers punished blame rape victims. Rape victims are often treated as criminals.

Antidepressants saved my life. I fully believe God worked through my doctor and those meds. In the year from my rape to starting seroquel....its amazing I survived. I saw the world in black and white....all the color was gone. I had nightmares. I used a nightlight. I was scared of my own shadow. Didn't want to leave the house. Slept in the hall with Ellie. Now I see in color...I am in a place where I can concentrate on healing. No those meds aren't a miracle but they greatly help. My years of therapy have also helped. God has worked through those medications, my therapist, my doctor.

Would you tell someone with cancer to not undergo chemo? or someone with diabetes to not take insulin? So why tell someone with depression, anxiety or PTSD to not take anti-depressants, anti-pyschotics or whatever

This time last year I was suicidal, flashbacks ruled my life and it seemed like residential treatment was the only option. This year I am still struggling but I am not a danger to myself and I have hope

Christians get raped, they get depression, they suffer PTSD. And they shouldn't have to hide or be afraid of the response of other Christians. THey should be accepted in their churches and prayed for and over just as those with cancer, heart disease etc are.

Those issues impact my life as much as my cystic fibrosis, heart issues etc except that I fight depression and PTSD on my own. I am overcoming rape on my own.

Learn from me. Dont hide. And don't treat people like me as heathens with no faith.

randomness

I am bored and figured this could interesting. the 25 random facts is going around facebook again...I'm gonna see how many random facts I can think of

1. I have this thing for funky socks

2. I have this thing for funky pj pants

3. I am a christian

4. I love books

5. Butterflies are really special to me

6. I like monkeys

7. I write

8. I sleep with a stuffed monkey who has a friendship necklace with a butterfly and an aromatherapy pouch

9. I've been stuck so many times for blood draws and IVs that I'm running out of veins

10. I'm probably radioactive from all the xrays

11. I am a rape survivor

12. pink is my favorite color

13. I love nature

14. I have this thing for hats and kerchiefs

15. I lose things all the time

16. I love music

17. I sing at the top of my lungs when I am alone

18. I read fast

19. I am a slob

20. I hate scooping the litter box

21. ham and pineapple pizza is my favorite food

22. I love thrift store shopping

23. I am terrified of grasshoppers

24. I have brother and a soon to be sister in law

25. I only have 1 first cousin

26. I want a pet goat

27. I rarely wear jewelry but I have a ton

28. I prefer silver over gold

29. my birthstone is diamond but rubies are my favorite

30. I can be quite silly and funny

when your heart hurts.....

Today is just one of those days. maybe its the lack of oxygen to the brain cells or PMS or whatever. Maybe its just a bad day. I don't know

What I do know is my heart hurts. I look back and wish I could get a refund for the last 2.5 years. I'm sick of having to deal with the effects of the actions of someone else (the assault), I'm sick of not being able to control my emotions some days even with the best medication...that usually works but days like this things just spin out of control. I'm sick of lungs that don't work, stomach that hurts, a heart that beats too fast.

I hate myself for taking things out on the people I love. I hate myself for thinking some of the thoughts I think. I hate myself for feeling like a freak.

Its times like this I cling to what I know and not what I feel. Or atleast I try to. Trying to march on. To keep moving forward. To hold on to Jesus