Life..

Life...its been up and down for the last 1.5 months. Cystic Fibrosis is not treating me nicely. I will have spent almost the whole 1.5 months on antibiotics and 4x a day nebulizer and vest treatments. Cipro first...and it seems some of my bugs (mainly we suspect Staph) have become resistant to cipro...and/or I've picked a new lovely strain of something up. So now onto Bactrim as it is excellent against staph (even mrsa!) and something I have not taken a lot of. Feeling some better already and am atleast not sleeping all the time like I was!

It gets frustrating...I should be used to being sick. But it still frustrates me. It frustrates me to want to do stuff but not be able to physically. It frustrates me to gasping for breath when I'm just playing around with Ellie. It frustrates me to be puking for 3 day s. I know this is CF...everyone with CF deals with these issues and part of growing older with CF is that it progresses.

I've also had the rape on my mind a lot. I don't know why. They say time heals all wounds but I don't know. Its been 1.5 years and my heart still hurts. Badly sometimes. Sometimes at night when I'm alone the tears come. I wonder who I would be right now if that had not happened.

I know Jesus heals though. I know my God has a plan. I'm holding tight to Jesus and I know He is holding tight to me. I have found the Psalms to be really comforting. Also listening to the Bible on CD. Good praise music. Old familar hymns. Just sitting and talking with Jesus...little bits of conversation all day.

I may never know healing in this lifetime but I will know it in Heaven!