Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I need some gummi worms

Cause they would go perfectly with my pity party. Really its been a rough week. Sunday night bad coughing fits and after finally got those stopped my heart rate started soaring and I almost passed out. Yesterday I was so weak from everything that I could barely get out of bed.

Last night started coughing bad again. This time there was a little blood though. I don't know how one pair of lungs can have so much junk in them. Anyway coughing stopped but I kept waking up every hour or two needing ventolin.

Slept all morning and have been fighting the nausea all day. Ensure and yogurt are all I've had.

I don't mean to complain....but I do want to give a picture of what life with CF is like

Awaiting my heart doctor appointment next tuesday and hoping for some answers. And then hoping my pulmo has something new up his sleeve...he's always one for thinking outside the box so hopefully he has some ideas. He and the heart doctor are in the same practice so hopefully they have discussed me

I was a bad girl and ran out of atrovent and never got it refilled. Finally refilled it today so hopefully that will help with the breathing!

I'm just frustrated. Like I asked my mom..."what if this is as good as it gets"? Her answer is we'll deal and learn to accomodate my new needs. Did I mention I have awesome parents?

I admit I am scared. Somehow the combo of heart problems and worsening cystic fibrosis lung disease don't seem like a good combo.

I'm holding on to God and know He's holding me in His hand. "oh no you never let go through the calm and through the storm, oh no you never let go, lord you never let go of me"

I'm trusting He will give me strength and courage to face whatever my future holds.

That doesn't mean I can't cry though!

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