Fear

So first off...I made it off of prednisone last monday! YAY! BUT ended back on it tuesday BOO. And not even a week after finishing bactrim I ended up on Zithromax. Fever and junky lungs came back sunday. We're hoping I will be able to get off prednisone in a few weeks and this won't be forever. I'm afraid the doc was right though and the 'roids were what was keeping me from getting so sick.

And now my hyper-sal has been upped to 3-4x a day from 2...so thats 3 inhaled meds 3-4x a day atleast. Plus vest/pep/acapella/percussor...whichever I choose that often. I don't know whats going on cause these last few days I haven't been able to tolerate my vest...I've tried every style and size I have..

Think we found whats causing the shortness of breath.....when at rest my o2 is usually 96-97 but as soon as I get up and move around they drop to 87-92. a few minutes after sitting back down and resting they go back up. And during all this my hr sores to 150-160. But is this cardiac or pulmonary? Maybe the heart doctor will have some answers monday

Now on to fear....I've never been one to have a lot of fear. But as my health fails I am facing more what-ifs and more fears. What if I go to bed one night and don't wake up? What if the doctors can't do anything else for me? What if this is my new normal and my CF has progressed that much?(which I do believe). What if the next infection goes septic?, What if. what if

Trying very hard to give them to God. I know He is control but when facing this kind of stuff I do have a hard time remembering that. Looking up and personalizing verses about fear. Praying. Talking with my mom and praying with her. I think its all helping.

I'm just living each day as if it is my last and hold on to Jesus cause He's holding on to me