I think we all know evil exists. Even kids. I can still vividly remember being terrified in the early 90s watching the news when the "lowcountry serial rapist"(duncan proctor) was on the prowl. Heck I can remember when he was caught and how relieved I was. I was only 5-7 years old when he was terrorizing Charleston (over an hour away from my sleepy little town). I sure didn't know what a rapist was but I knew he was an evil man. Sure that was again brought up as I watched the oklahoma city bombings, columbine and 9/11.
But there is a HUGE difference in knowing evil exists and meeting it first hand. Its terrible hearing evil on the news or to hear other people talk about it...its another when the evil happens to you. When for a while you are staring into the eyes of the closest thing to a devil you will see on earth.
A year passed March 14 since the assault. How I wish I was still that 7 year old who didn't know what a rapist was! March 14 brought lots of memories, feelings and the need for xanax. It amazes me (in a bad way!) how much the body as well as the mind remembers
I wish I could say that I trust in God and therefore everything is okay. I do trust in God...I'm holding tight to Him but I've realized that just means he gives the courage and strength to get through the hard stuff not that he takes it away so we never face anything tough. And maybe its during those tough times we realize He is our everything and learn to hold on tight.
I never want to be a victim, I'm getting sick of being a survivor...I just want to be who I was before. And I will never be her again...I'm coming to terms with that. I'm trying to find the new me and I guess like it or not the new me is a rape survivor
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