I admit it. I'm not always as strong as I make myself seem
Nights like tonight I wonder how I ever made it this far. I am ashamed to admit it but nights like this sometimes make me wish I still cut. Its 100x harder not to and to actually have to feel something.
Nights like tonight I wonder if my writing is in vain. I wonder if God loves me. I wonder if I'm good enough. I wonder if I deserved to be raped. I wonder if I will ever smile again
I know the storms don't last forever. The sun has to come out eventually. But really there is so much going on right now, dealing with so many different things
I feel alone. Truth is I have always been somewhat of a loner and at times like this it really bites. I do wonder sometimes if people even notice me...I tend to blend in
I know I talk about hard stuff and well theres cystic fibrosis and all that. I'm ot exactly someones first choice in friends with all the baggage I have and who wants to be friends with someone who has an illness thats going to kill them probably sooner rather than later (I'm 26...less than half of people with CF will see 37). I've beat the odds so many times already...its gonna catch up with my sometime
I know logically its probably the prednisone behind this post. But right now I'm not logical
But thanks to xanax I am going to bed
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