This is not my home

I know to most people talking about death seems..well morbid. Noone wants to think about it or talk about it. But when faced with an ultimately fatal illness...it becomes somewhat of a common topic

A dear family friend and neighbor passed away thursday and of course this puts the topic on everyone's mind. I told my mom this morning that if I die before her and my dad that under no circumstances do I want a funeral...I want a party...a welcome to heaven party. Oh how I can imagine that day seeing Jesus face to face, worshiping God in person, breathing easy and running free and of course getting big kisses from my sweet Ellie belly.

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not made for this world...its not my home. I'm simply passing through on the way to somewhere much better. Don't get me wrong...I love my life and my family and I enjoy and live every moment to the fullest. Its just that the way I look at things...death isn't the end...its the beginning.

I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at 16 years old. At the time we were told I had a 50% chance of living to see my 32nd birthday. I remember thinking..>I just turned 16 and I'm middle aged? I'm halfway through my life and yet I can't drive or drink yet? As of now the average age of survival is around 37. Keep in mind though for every person with CF who turns 37...atleast one person will die before then.

I don't say this to be depressing. We can't ignore death. If theres one thing that is certain in this life, its that we're gonna die. Or as I like to think of it, we're going to be born into our new life. I can't wait to be able to breathe without effort and able to run

At the same time I realize how precious my family and my life here is. I strive to live everyday to the fullest. To love, laugh, cry...to make the most of every moment. If that means having to wear a mask to do something..well then I'll wear the mask. If it means traveling with a nebulizer and an arsenal of medication then bring it on.

I think often about the legacy I will leave. How I will be remembered. I want to be remembered as a tough, fun loving, God loving, caring person. Someone who lived every moment to the fullest. Who loved her family and friends with everything she had. Who lived for God...who never lost faith no matter what came her way. A person who looked for rainbows during the worst storm and dreamed of flying with the butterflies. I want people to remember my laugh and my smile more than they remember my tears and my anger

No I don't plan on going anywhere soon. Its just that I have lost so many friends to CF. I'm aware of the reality and I'm not afraid.