depression is a beast...

I've been through a lot with my lungs. I've struggled to breathe, gasped for air, coughed until I puked and have been at times unable to walk to the bathroom without becoming extremely short of breath. I've spent hours hooked to a nebulizer and vest machine. I've been hooked to oxygen..

All that to say that I would take cystic fibrosis over depression any day of the week

The suffocating feeling that everyone around you would be better off without you. Being in so much pain inside that hurting yourself is the only thing that relieves it. Wanting to die so that you aren't trapped in your mind. And then I see how I upset my family and feel 1000x worse and add guilt to the list of my emotions

I've suffered from depression since my teen years. Anxiety too. I started cutting when I was barely a teenager. I started my first anti-depressant...Paxil...at age 18. I've taken Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, Wellbutrin, celexa, lexapro etc. Unfortunatly my depression is extremely hard to treat and the only SSRI that I even marginally respond to is prozac..I'm maxed out on it at 80mg

If you've never suffered from depression...then thank God! It truly is one of the worst things I have dealt with. Making it even worse is there is so little help out there outpatient wise for mental illnesses. Things like art therapy, recreational therapy and pet therapy exist only in hospitals. Outpatient the most offered is medication management and talk therapy.

Noone will come out and say it but I'm being treated like someone with bipolar depression...noone will diagnose me as such officially but its been mentioned

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning...I feel like I have cement blocks strapped on me and just can't surface. I fight and fight but can't come back up for air. Thats what depression feels like to me

Its hard to ask for help. Really hard. Sometimes it seems easier to kill yourself than ask for help.

My new combo of meds is working though and I am feeling the best I have felt in probably a year. I'm enjoying life, I'm laughing, I don't have thoughts of wanting to die or hurt myself. I'm actually happy for once that I am alive! This to me is a miracle!