Its graduation time again and as such I have been thinking about my own graduation. Its hard to believe I have been out of school for 6 years!
I fought hard to finish school.even being homeschooled I was so sick I missed a year of school..my 10th grade year. So I finished a year later than I should have. But as sick as I was as a teenager graduating at all was a big thing. I doubt my highschool years were typical as they were spent at the hospital and doctor's office. Spent on steroids. Spent so sick I couldn't lift my head up. I would either sleep all morning and do schoolwork all afternoon or do schoolwork all morning and sleep all afternoon. That was when I was doing relatively well. Add anxiety and depression to cystic fibrosis and well...my teen years were not fun.
My life has not taken the path I planned. Once upon a time I dreamed of college....cystic fibrosis, a weak immune system, depression and anxiety have robbed me of that. Once I dreamed of a full time job...once again my health problems have robbed that from me. I did not plan (DUH!) on becoming a rape survivor at 23 years old.
Sometimes I wonder what people see when they look at me. Do they see a loser who sits at home all day? Do they see instead someone fighting for her life? Do they know even a cold can put me in the hospital? Or that I have fought depression so bad I couldn't get out of bed. Do they know I take an enormous amounts of medicine to stay alive.
I hope people don't judge me by the cover. Yes I am single, living at home and not working. I would gladly trade my life for a normal life...or would I? I'm not lazy, I'm not weird, I'm not gay, I'm not mooching off my parents.
This is not how I saw myself at 25 back when I was 19 and finishing high school. Most days I'm just thankful to be alive and be able to get out of bed and do normal stuff
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