So I'm up sick with nothing to do. I've been meaning to write this for awhile but just keep putting it off. I just wanted to clear up a few things..........
Why are you so public about your rape? Because I want to help other women who have gone through the same thing. There are very few Christian resources for rape survivors. Heck there are just very few resources in general. I don't go into details of what happened because thats not important and thats my private story. But I share in hopes that I can help one woman. I hope God uses my blog to give hope. I know how hopeless I felt afterwards. If my journey can help even one woman its worth sharing. And like it says in the Bible, God comforts us so that we can comfort others. I want other women to know that their thoughts and feelings after such an event are totally normal.
I'm not perfect..I'm still dealing with a lot of issues from what happened to me. I think that a trauma like that is something it takes a long time to overcome if you ever fully do in this lifetime. But I'm a far cry from where I was then and I hope that my journey can help others
Did you report your rape? Yes I did...went to the ER, had a rape kit done etc. One of the hardest nights of my life telling what happened over and over again
Did they find the guy? Yes they did
Did you press charges? no
Why? Several reasons...one I was terrified, I was terrified he was going to come after me. twp I was already showing PTSD signs and the last thing I wanted to do was go to court, I really felt I should be focusing on myself and getting through it. I also know that things like that get nasty and with my mental health issues I really was afraid of getting dragged through the mud. And so few rapists are either convicted or if they are convicted spend anytime in prison. To me the stress wasn't worth the VERY small chance he would get punished for what he did. I just wanted to put it behind me and move on (ha I didn't know how hard that was going to be
You have to understand that rape is still seen and treated differently than any other crime. There is still a big blame the victim vibe. Theres all this big talk about change etc but trust me....the woman is still made to feel like she is to blame. No matter the situation NO means NO!
Why did I report it if I didn't press charges? I wanted the guy who did it identified. I wanted him to know that I had the courage to speak up. Heck I'll admit I wanted him identified so if anything hinky (too much NCIS!) happened to me they would know who to look at. And actually when I started out I really thought I would press charges.
Do I regret not pressing charges? Actually sometimes I do. I wonder quite often if I made the right decision or if I was being selfish. What if he hurt another woman? But then I think that the chances of him being punished or atleast spending anytime in prison was slim. And really I had to look out for myself. I was afraid a trial would have pushed me over the edge that I was already hanging off of at that point. I'm also not a big fan of our justice system
Unfortunatly its often viewed that if you didn't press charges that you were lying. Not the case. And believe me...noone goes through a rape kit for the fun of it!
I was very fortunate that the two responding officers were wonderful to me (one was actuall my former sunday school teacher, the other was also great), the doctor that saw me had specialized training in treating sexual assault victims.The victim's advocate and woman from the rape crisis center were great too. I can't say the same for the investigators
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