11 years

11 years ago Saturday my beloved granddaddy died after only 6 months of battling heart trouble. He was 70 which seemed old to my 14 year old self...not so much to my 25 year old self.

You can't find many men like him. He gave up a large part of his life to take care of my aunt who has down syndrome. I was lucky enough to live across the street and often visited him ...playing checkers, drinking grape soda and talking fish. He had a gorgeous aquarium of fish and helped me with mine. He also made his own incubator to hatch abandoned baby birds and take care of them. Plus who can forget his greenhouse and lemons the size of softballs! I like to think I got my love of nature from him.

11 years ago I was set to leave for camp for the first time in my life. I am sure a lot of people thought I was crazy because I still left for camp the monday after he died...the day of his funeral. Yes I missed his funeral. But he was so happy and so proud that shy anxious me wanted to go to camp that I couldn't let him down

11 years ago I was 14. A seemingly plucky but shy teenager. Teetering between childhood and the teen years still. Looking back I can see I was already "troubled"....I was already suffering from depression and anxiety. I was already at times hurting myself. But I seemed to have it all on the outside.

So I look back and 11 years ago I lost my granddad. I also lost my innocence and was slowly losing myself